Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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