Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
