I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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