I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
