def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My life is pants optional.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
