Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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