I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
