As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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