I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
