this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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