Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize