i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is wine microwaveable?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize