chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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