the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
