she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I supernannyed him into submission
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
