I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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