I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
are you so shy because you have an std?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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