This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
