so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
