i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
