i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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