im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
