the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are we still banned from the library?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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