This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
