I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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