THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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