walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize