I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
