Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
