It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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