i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
