Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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