Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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