What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
