so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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