I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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