so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
