he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
