I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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