It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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