I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
