I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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