I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize