I'm eating all of the evidence.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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