If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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