she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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