shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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