yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize