margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
