I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
