sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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