dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
