the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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