Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
its liver damage thursday
Shame - the story of my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
