I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
