I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
