Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
