there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
