Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
