i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
